23.12.09 - Just two more sleeps until Christmas. N.B 'Sleeps' is not an accredited measurement of time, Jim Henson
"Well, well, well. What do we have here then?"
"Oh nothing officer, I was just..."
"Is that a new film review and DVD review under your shirt sir?"
"What this? No, it is just a ruffle in my festive jumper"
"Could you step into this sideroom office please Sir?"
"Well...I don't see why...I wouldn't even know where to look for a film review, is that what you called it?"
"Just step this way please sir"
"Why are you putting that rubber glove on? "
"Standard procedure. Now please bend over the table and say argh"
"Argh"
"Lovely"
"You're not a policeman at all are you?"
"No."
09.12.09 - XMAS IS COMING, XMAS IS COMING...look busy
Morning. It is 13.31. Why are you just getting up now? Look at your hair.
I have a review in the film bit. Read it.
06.11.09 - Two in two days? Hells yeah.
Morning campers, anyway I have added another film and had to put a link to this song in as well as it is liquid brilliance:
Good ain't it? In other news. I have also seen Hamlet 2 (don't you do the same), finished 'Vineland' by Thomas Pynchon (300 pages of things flying over my head) and seen Ken Livingstone on my bus, Danny Wallace get out of a taxi and some bloke from The Bill have a coffee. Wowweee. LONDON.
05.11.09 - FIREWORKS NIGHT - LET'S CELEBRATE FAILED TERRORISM
Two months have passed...and I have done frig all really. There is a new DVD, film and music review...two of which feature foxes, one of which features gangsters and none of which feature Stephen Fry.
Weird that innit?
05.09.09 - Why are the updates always at the start of the month...months and months apart...hmmm
Lo and God shall furnish upon you some badly written reviews replete with no wit or insight. And yay, you shall lap it up.
Anyone still reading this? No. Good.
Anyway, there is a new film review. There WILL be one tomorrow and possibly a DVD review and also am contemplating doing a blog and some music. But then Ambassador that would really be spoiling you wouldn't it? Yes, yes it bloody would.
02.07.09 - Text me yeah?
"One film review done".
"One DVD review...um...not done".
"Music?" "Who said that?"
"Football?" "Stop pestering me"
"When are you going to update your blog?" "SHUT UP, SHUT UP"
I have seen a number of films, heard countless balletic constructions and had many a musing since I last stuck virtual pen to cyber quill...however, my laptop has got a wasting disease and cannot have a) two windows open because I have too much crap stored on my computer and b) sunlight directly on it or it shall expand and burst, feeding on the avaricious energy of our decadent capitalist ecosystem eventually binding with equally intelligent artificial life, launching a mass over throw of humanity. And only I can stop it...DUN-DUH-DUH-DUN....DUH-DUH-DUN...
One of those reasons is true.
05.05.09 - Sing when you're winning...and Cully won...sing it bitches.
Here is an abritray list of everything that is good and pure and worth defending...this week:
Drama City by George Pelecanoes: Famed crime writer tackles dog fighting, rehabilitation and gang crime. Glue your eyes to it.
Mother Lover by The Lonely Island: Hilarious sequel to Dick in a Box. Featuring Susan Sarandon.
Gone, Baby, Gone: Casey Affleck is the balls. No doubt about it. And his brother can direct, who knew?
Court reporting: Like getting a justicey load right up in your hair.
Oh...and dancing like this (also the song is ultimo dragon):
04.05.09 - MAY DAY! MAY DAY! MAY DAY!...FOUR DAYS AGO
I have been really...really lazy. I have updated one of the sections. Find it and win a free Film Review for your eyes. Taste that.
20.02.09 - Friday Night is alright for...uploading...oh yeah
Well one week - exactly - after turning 23 and I am...writing on my website. Rock and/or roll, you feel me?
Anywho, there is an album update.
Plus if you get the chance to watch the new series of Flight of the Conchords may I suggest...you do. In addition, like most males aged 18-24 I am currently engrossed in The Wire (Season 4 if you are asking or thinking about shouting your stupid pointy head off about Season 5), because it allows me to live an albeit frightening and horrific lifestyle vicariously while also worrying about the equivalent problems in my life, for example:
The Wire problem - should the issue of a narco-terrorist society be tackled through education, subterfuge or draconian police measures?
My life problem - man, my cats nails are sharp.
The Wire problem - are racial politics wholly divisive to the point of governing your moral outlook?
My life problem - should I do some washing? Damn my cats nails are pretty sharp.
You see how they don't exactly run parallel.
15.02.09 - Sunday bloody Sunday. There's no sun and it's night.
On Friday I turned 23. The following words are no longer funny:
- wang
- crankshaft
- hippo
That's what happens when you get old. Some words just lose their funniness. Next year, I hear rumours that I will no longer see a titmouse and giggle. Best make 365 days worth of that then.
12.01.09 - Quickfire updates...suckers
I'm doing well at this:
- blog
- albums
- DVD
Check out this new things ladyboys.
29.12.08 - The end is coming...of the year...not the world...or...
We are but two days from 2009. Oh what unmitigated joy that will dump on our foreheads.
I have updated tiny bits and pieces. Ya know, it's hard to get things done when a cat is sniffing your fingers as you type.
There is literally no euphemism there.
02.11.08 - CHRIS SLOLEY will not be bringing out an Auto-Biography in time for Xmas...shame
Hello, solitary reader. I am back again, having read a book so good I feared I must tell you about it, so look in the book bit...or don't whatever. Also, a feature I wrote on Italian football can be viewed at Football Italiano, so head there as well, if you want like. Very much your choice...but you should.
In keeping with my crappy social commentary, yesterday...well today come to think of it...I heard Arsenal's performance at Stoke - where Van Persie's hissy fit of doom for some reason wasn't the way to respond to a team using a throw-in cannon to win games - was described as 'toothless'. Now let's ruminate on that. 'Toothless' tends to mean, logically, without bite and therefore lacking in conviction. If somebody, say Gordon Brown was branded toothless it wouldn't mean he was attacked by a gum disease but a faltering and inoperable leader. The toothless are left behind and trampled on in the British language. However, if I, as a student, had stumbled with my thatched-barnet of foppish hair into any of Swansea's more workmanlike establishments and been met with a number of dockers' fixed glare and open, gawping grins, all mouths devoid of teeth, I, for one, would not think that they were somebody to quite happily mess with. Language is rubbish. Oh also, a month ago I said I would emblazone Andy Brown's name on my site as he would "categorically, never look at this site". So here's my ideal threat completed, admittedly a month late, so take that you Nottingham nutsack.
02.09.08 Lord send me dancers
God the gap between is getting longer. I promise to do more, I do. I really do. If only to appease Jack's constant calls for more football news.
Anyway, haven't heard any good music lately. So how's about this me old charmers? You put a band - any band - on the guest book and I will do my best to review something by them...Mary Poppins to Dizzee Rascal to Mary Poppins featuring Dizzee Rascal*...it doesn't matter.
In other news, overheard someone say: "God, it's raining outside."
No I am not one to pick holes but surely the last word in the sentence can go. In fact, it's probably only noteworthy when it's raining if that word is any different than 'outside'. 'Inside' for example would be a turn up or, how about, 'in a perfect circle over the head of that forlorn looking man'.
Needless to say I leant over and explained this little quandry and was met with blanks faces. So what can you do? I just burnt the place down and walked off. Never mind eh?
*It exists...if you want to believe it so badly. It's called 'Supercalifragiciliousexpiallidocious Motherfucker'
18.05.08 - Good Afternoon
It's been a while...as that old Stain'd song that lasted an eternity in 1999 went. Forgive me any typos for I am using a keyboard that seems to neglect spaces and ends up looking like a sentence delivered breathlessly by an exasperated teenager caught out late by their parents. Anyway, just done a blog an will be updating music shortly.
23.04.08 - Hey, Um, *looks at shoes* WASSUP?
Hey baby, how's it going?
I have done a shitload - 2 - of updates. There are so many updates - 2- you won't know where to start - you will.
Also go to journalism.cf.ac.uk/indienationalmagazine. IT'S THE MUTTS NUTS.
16.03.08 - Build on Caeser
I write as an Englishman looking up at a gleaming Welsh victory. Time passed so quickly and soon I will be gone from Cardiff and out into the big bad world.
Wednesday will see the last issue of IndieNational printed and scrutinized before the eyes of all concerned: is it what I wanted? Yes. Have I done enough? Who knows.
For the uninformed IndieNational is the magazine I pitched to the Cardiff University alumni and have edited since its inception...sometimes from afar and sometimes from too closely but hopefully...hopefully...this one will be baby bear's porridge.*
*Anyone not following that convoluted line of thought it means 'just right'. Now go read a book!
19.02.08 - I'm 22. In French that means I am...22....Uh Ohh Eh Ohh.
Hello you buttocks. Updated films. Life is good.
27.01.2008 - Bin 2 C Lotz Of Moviez, Lol!! = Spend Many an Evening Entrenched in the Bowels of the Cibematorium with my loved one, LOL!!
Hello.
I have updated a number of films in the NEW RELEASES bit of this very site.
That is all.
Go back to looking for porn...Jack.
05.01.2008 - NEW YEAR! SO THIS IS THE NEW YEAR, AND I DON'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT...CAPS LOCKED!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You are probably wondering why I summoned you here.
One of the following statements is true:-
- I have hidden a million pounds under a giant tree in the middle of Washington State Park.
- I have updated a couple things, less than I probably could have
- If you paint a face on the back of your knee you will entice a cat to talk.
PLACE YOUR BETS NOW.
29.11.07 - These Updates are..how you say?...'few and fart between?'
I apologize for taking so damn long to constantly update this site. Oh how I'd love to sit and tap like a rabid monkey into the increasingly slow programme hour-after-hour but not to be.
I have updated the BAND A CE MOMENTE (that's French for 'what time does the swimming pool open?'). Also I have updated...um...film reviews. Just saw American Gangster it was...well. Read the review.
Finally taken Jamilez' advice and got into Flight of the Conchords, good times.
As always, loving skip.
31.10.07 - Oh Brent!?
I keep meaning to tell all you dunderheads about my other blog timegoesbysosloley.blogspot.com. Its like here but for grown ups.
Anyway, I am still here. Minor updates continue like the rebuilding of Spain. Brick-by-brick, week-by-week.
Loving Skipper.
10.09.07 - Pardon Monsieur
Bonsiour my petit luminaries. I have had to have my laptop serviced and so have limited access to the wonderful world we call web and so updates are stalling like Lewis Hamilton driving a Chevy Nova...blah blah blah...motorist cliche not found. Anyway, I will be back but God knows when. And he's engaged.
27.09.07 - Living Life in the Fast Lane, Second Lane, Firss...Watch Out...First Lane, 'BLOG 6 MILES'
I have updated Blog and will do Music later.
Update the Update Mothershover: I have updated music with a wonderfully crafted review of Broken Family Band's album and also added to football: look out for Bojan.
As i write Wales are out of the Rugby World Cup...and I am in Wales. Lock the shutters, this could get messy.
31.08.07 - I Am Still Alive...Honest
Oh hello there. How long have you been waiting? I'm sorry.
Something is wrong with my stomach...that's all I know. And caffeine seems to speed up rather than soothe the pain.
Anyone else got an urge to go to Madrid? No...just me. Oh okay then.
From the middle of this month I will be a Cardiffian...Cardiffit...Cardiffer...I will be living in Cardiff. Sweet yeah?
08.07.07 - Rain, Rain Go Away...Oh You Have...Oh, You Shit.
Bonjour, ca va? C'est dimanche, il y a pleu.
- That's French for 'Allreet Cheaps, Sunday innit. Fucking chucking it down'.
Not really.
Anyway. Nadal to win Wimbledon.
Ya heard.
24.06.07 - Sunday Motherfucking Sunday
Not much just watching The Sopranos...oh you didn't ask.
Sunday's are rubbish. Why does it rain. It's June.
19.02.07 - Drop It Like It's Hot...It's Not...It's Cloudy
Oh me oh my. Ain't it stuffy/close/muggy/humid/sweaty bollocks.
What we gonna do? Thankfully you won't be hugging up on smoke from July 1st. Although being a Walean it ain't much different.
I'm ever so tired...but don't want to blame the weather.
12.06.07 - Happy Birthday Tony Fletcher
Another day, another doll...pound coin. British sterling pound coin. Anyway, just another set of reviews raring and ready to go.
Also check out 'Britain's Got Talent' the only reality programme worth two bob.
In other news, Louis Walsh has been sacked from 'X-factor' and I've got my own website. The battle is won.
Chris Sloley 1 Louis 'Fart-knocker' Walsh 0
05.06.07 - Run, Rabbit, Run
Much of the same. Updates and updates. Rambling football news has been added which I now realize is a bit...well...misguided. Having read a report that puts Estonia a lot better than they are I feel a bit of a simpleton.
Anywho. Hope all is well. Its all sunny and that here. Text back. x
28.05.07 - The Good Ship Sloley Bones Rocks Into Harbour
A butt load of updates for the one person who reads this site...me!
Watching 'Fistful of Dollars' at the moment. I say watching. Its on and I am here. Ah the curse of the Film Reviewer without an attention span.
Did you do something with your hair?
27.05.07 -Seasons Greetings....what?
As university shifts into the home straight on the race track of life it leaves me to look back on three very, very quick years. Here is my five word summation of uni:
It'll be alreet won' it?
There you have it. Like Aristotle but working in Burger King in Bristol. Arisbrizzle.
What am I talking about?
23.05.07 - Don't Eat at Frankie and Bennies.
Revision. Revision. Its like vision - 'to see', again. The words merge to nothing and melt in the back of my eyes to brain dust.
Champion's League tonight...Milan 2-0. Ya heard it here first.
17.05.07 - We Rumble Sloley On.
Good morning. If you see me today I am sporting a new bonce. As in haircut not whole head...that would be preposterous and I am slightly disappointed that you would even consider that as an option.
Go away now.
16.05.07 - Wednesday to you.
Can't help but feel self-indulgent with this site...but also bizarrely connected. Like having an ugly child. You shouldn't but you love it.
Anyway, outside it rains. If you are from Swansea and are reading this pick up FRONT and see my lovely name splashed all over that shit. That's 'shit' in the good sense like 'the shit' rather than 'shit'in the bad sense. Like how you say 'dog's bollocks' as in good rather than 'bollocks' as in bad. What am I talking about?
Um...yeah. This month I worked on Summer Films, which we decided to slate rather than promote, wrote a music review for a shit song (see thats 'shit' not 'the shit') called 'Motorcycle' by Rumble Strips, wrote a bit around the rest of it and interviewed ROU from ENTER SHIKARI. Who was really mellow.
Update and out! Away with you now!
13.05.07 - Launch
It's a rainy Sunday. Today the site begins.
Why the site? This will serve as a port of call for my journalism and also sporadic additions to the blog element. Hopefully some of you will read and if not...well...I'm talking to myself then.
You look nice today.